Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
