your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
