Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
