dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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