Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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