I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
