I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
