i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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