Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
