Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
