dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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