Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
