i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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