i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
