Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
