Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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