The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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