My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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