You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
