you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
