i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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