Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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