I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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