i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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