one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
