Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
