She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
