Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize