Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
