like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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