winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
