I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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