Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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