no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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