He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
