Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
