i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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