Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
