so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
