He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
