When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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