I just pynch a tree in the face
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
