i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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