he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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