Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
