It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
