you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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