Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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