I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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