I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
is that a dick in a sweater?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
