I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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