u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
