I faked an abortion last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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