Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You have to summon your inner elephant
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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