I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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