I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
