Jerry, you need to find god
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
