Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm like, not good at living.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
