dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
