So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
