Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
