The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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