I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
