He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
